Sheer, Unadulterated Madness

For those of you readers out there who have been wondering where all the posts have gone we have one simple answer for you: it's March. You see College Basketball is now in full effect and our attention to things like blogging, working, bathing, eating, etc., have kind of fallen by the wayside.

Anyway to get ourselves hyped up even more I, Hats Bagelman and Nacho Friendly will be debating an age old question: "Would you rather win the NIT or lose in the first round of the NCAA Tournament?"

Like Natalie Imbruglia we are torn to find the right answer here. Follow us after the jump for our lively debate.

Howdy kids, Nacho Friendly here to lay down some sweet, sweet science. The long and the short of it is this: Americans love 'em a good retard. When we see someone of lesser physical or mental ability than ourselves succeed, we feel a sense of accomplishment right along with those goofy bastards. Oh I'm sorry, did I offend your delicate sensibilities? Well then, sire, I defy you not to laugh at Philip.

Mike Myers as Philip The Hyper-Hypo Kid | Send To Friends | Funny Videos at JibJab

When Philip breaks free of his (and society's) restraints he can achieve anything he puts his mind to. Especially if he has chocolate. The same holds true for the NIT tournament. The NIT is the the soft, downy blanket where we coddle those who were deemed not worthy of being called the best of the best. This is why, I feel, it's inherently better to win the NIT than to be embarassed on a national stage by the biggest bully on the playground. In America, when it comes to bruised egos, and crybabies, we like to make sure everybody gets a cookie, and the NIT Championship, is just that cookie.

"One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once."
Samuel Butler (1612-1680) British poet and satirist.

Oh hello it's Hats again. The reason I bring up this quote is because a British man said that and if there is one thing the British know it's losing. Which brings me to my point it's much better to lose in the first round than win the NIT.

Think of it this way can you name the last 5 NIT winners? Of course you can't but in the sporting world everyone remembers the 1996 UCLA team that lost to Princeton (small note: UGH).

I guess my point here you just want to be memorable. I mean people will never care about the NIT and in the end you are the 66th best basketball team in the nation, but if you lose especially in a spectacular fashion you don't waste away into nothingness you become the thing of legend. I guess it just boils down to this would you rather be Howard Dean or Michael Dukakis?

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Free Ice Lollies For Us All!

I was on my way to the chemist shop when I heard the good news. We're big in England. Well we love you too! Check out our other posts tailor made for your strange culture (Ok, it's just the one post, but we're trying).

In celebration, here's a list of things we adore about you:






1 - Bob Hoskins
We call him sex in a sweater. On cold nights we dream about snuggling up next to him as he whispers sweet nothings in our ear. "Limpet, my love, be a dear and get me another pint." And of course we would. He's Bob Hoskins!







2 - Muesli
Wonderful breakfast food. Way better than what we eat stateside.







3 - Dark Shadows
More like Dork Shadows. Just kidding. Our love for Lara Parker burns with a white hot intensity. If we ever lose our virginity, it will be to her.






4 - The Falklands War
We love wars here at The Incredible Mr. Limpet. In fact, we're members of over a dozen different recreation societies, but the Falklands has always been our favorite. Just ask Hats Bagelman; he does the most amazing Prince Andrew, Duke of York.




5 - The British East India Company
For taming the savages and cornering the opium market, you earn our respect.

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Dreamboat Willy: The Godfather

It's true, British sex symbol and possible future king of England; Prince William of Wales will soon be Godfather to the child of than non other than Baby Spice. Why would BS choose young William as guardian to her as yet unborn child? If his being rich and royalty to boot is not enough reason, he has many hidden talents and secret abilities that make him a force to be reckoned with.

The Prince is the president of the English Football Association, Vice Royal Patron of the Welsh Rugby Union, in the British Royal Navy he is both Commodore-in-Chief of Scotland and Commodore-in-Chief of Submarines. Few people realize how such a young man is capable of such great achievement. Is it merely because of the power he wields through his immense wealth and privilege? In a word, yes.


In June of 1991 Prince William was struck in the forehead with a golf club by a careless or highly deranged schoolmate (details of the accident have never been fully revealed to the public). Prince W. suffered a depressed fracture of the skull and was forced to undergo emergency surgery. The Royal Family, with the help of British intelligence agencies and the world’s top scientists used this seemingly tragic situation as an opportunity to give the young boy a few “upgrades.” Through hours of top secret medical procedures ‘Wombat’ was given increased strength, higher intelligence and memory, improved reflexes, incredible gazelle-like leaping ability, his now infamous laser eyes, and of course he was made to be left handed so as to better operate a British standard transmission vehicle.

When a man with the power and abilities of Prince William says he wants to be the guardian of your child, you just don’t say no.

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