Thursday, September 6, 2007

Simply the Best: King of the Hill

I'm proud to introduce the newest segment to The Incredible Mr. Limpet: Simply the Best

Simply the Best is where we at Mr. Limpet rank things. Bask in our hilarity and/or witticisms.


Today's Topic: Characters from "King of the Hill"

You know what I was doing ten years ago? I was watching "Real Sex 5" on HBO and Amistad. Also, on Sunday nights, I would occassionally watch that show that came on before the Simpsons. The one made by the guy who did Beavis & Butthead.

Gotta be honest with you, before this summer, you could count the number of "King of the Hill" episodes I'd watched on your fingers. Then, during the first week of my my foray into hedonism I caught a 10th Year Anniversary marathon of "King of the Hill" on FX. That afternoon I learned what I'd been missing. Since then, I've cultivated quite an extensive amount of data on the characters of "King of the Hill".

After the jump, you'll find the coolest/most debatable list seen yet on this site.

Or, you won't read this because you don't care about a cartoon show you've never seen.


From least Wikid Awsum to most Wikid Awsum:

5. Peggy Hill - If you were to make a list of the most hate-inspiring cartoon characters of all-time, Peggy Hill, would easily top said list. Let me be clear: I do not hate Peggy Hill, she's just the embodiment of everything I hate about the Fly Over states. The reason she makes the list is because I've never actively despised a cartoon character's sense of self-esteem, and that takes guts. I'd admire the dander in me she rises (and that's just fun grammar.)The woman was afraid to take an IQ test because she was afraid it would result in a score lower than what she'd assumed it to be.

4. Bobby Hill - When I found out the voice of Bobby was a chick I fairly crapped myself. This woman's got amazing talent, and Bobby's got some of the bestest lines ever written. I can't think of a better Poster Boy for all the urban longing white kids feel. Bobby Hill is good for one genuine, belly laugh an episode.

3. Boomhauer - He got a lot of the press when the show debut because he most resembled the characters from "Beavis & Butthead" but he's so much more. I don't think I could name another character whose been given as much depth without uttering a single, understandable syllable. Unless, of course, you count Mumbles.

2. William Fontaine de la Tour "Bill" Dauterive - Hats will tell you he's the best, and I gotta admit, it's neck-and-neck. Bill's the saddest cartoon character ever, even sadder than Droopy. Bill's one-offs are the stuff dreams are made of. He's pathetic, he's worthless, he's the best damn barber our Armed Forces have ever produced.

1. Dale Gribble - That's right, the King doesn't even crack the Top Five. One might ask one's self: What was the deciding factor in making Dale somewhat better/more wikid awsum than Bill? Let me give you a glimpse into the sick, twisted mind of Dale:

A) he has owned Show Turtles for three years, but never put 'em in a show.

2) He goes by the name "Rusty Shackleford" and his Social Security number is 555-55-

C) For his last meal on Death Row, Dale wants "the world's rarest truffle, then, while they were searching for it, I'd tunnel my way out of prison. Although, I would miss out on eating the world's rarest truffle. Quite the quandry." That's fucking genius.

"What kind of lefty hootenanny is this?"


There it is, the Top Five Characters on "King of the Hill." I apologize but during the summer, it's been the show I DVR urrday. Every episode ends in either a heartfelt or hilarious way, and I feel it's underappreciated.

7 comments:

Hats Bagelman said...

I wish I could sign off on this list but it's just wrong. You cannot have Boomhauer in the top 5, you just can't (and I love Boomhauer) but here's how it should really look.

5)Hank. (still pretty low, I'm sorry Hank)
4) Dale (Hilarious, yes, but the best no)
3)Peggy Hill (I'm sorry Peggy deserves more than #5)
2) Bobby Hill (For his Kerry Strug crush alone)
1) Bill (the most tragically funny character on television. Suck it Michael Scott)

Micki said...

No Boomhauer? Hats, you idiot. I totally thought he'd be 2nd or 1st on Nacho's list... quite the surprise. I guess I never really knew Limpet at all. ALL this reading for NOTHING!!

Fatty Arbuckle said...

And for the first time ever... Tada! Hats is right!!!

I couldn't agree with his list more.
BILL IS #1!!!

10lb Moustache said...

Ok, ok, ok...lets settle this list.

5) Peggy Hill, annoying as shit, but gets some laughs.
4) Bobby Hill, funny for one or two jokes
3) Hank Hill, centerpiece of the show and vital to much humor
2) Bill, see Hats' explanation
1) Dale, anytime he does anything it demands the attention of the world and for that he is amazing.

Oh, so Boomhauer is not on this list because he is retarded. He doesn't say anything audible or do anything funny. He's a walking garbage pail that offers nothing to anyone.

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