Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
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I'm sorry we ate all your oysters.
I can't believe you ate all those oysters without me.
Jim Mora, Jr.
Dear Redskins fans,
I'm sorry I didn't look after said oysters.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Counterfeit Jewish man, and self proclaimed Editor in Chief of the Limpet site, Hats Bagelman attributed the drop of over 4,000 visits per month between November and March of this year, to the collapse of the housing market and, “general malaise.” Sources close to the midden website contend that the loss of page hits is actually due to a public lack of interest in unintelligible “comedy” articles riddled with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
When reached for comment former readers of the disesteemed blog gave their own interpretations of why the blog is such a failure. Regular commenter on the much abhorred blog known only as Micki observed, “I used to like the blog okay, but why keep checking it when there isn’t a new article but every month?”
Amanda Meadows of Costa Mesa, California said of the slovenly website and indeed this very article, “’Interest Wanes?’ More like ‘Interest Never Garnered.’ And who told you I was a reader?”
When Mr. Bagelman was asked why he did not simply take the webpage down he replied, “Meh. It is just easier to let it sit.” It seems The Incredible Mr. Limpet will continue to waste server space at Google for years to come.
-The Incredible Mr. Limpet is a blog run out of Los Angeles which carries a variety of articles that run the gamut of unintelligible sports reporting, misguided love advice, poorly written short stories, photo comparisons of puppets and celebrities, angry rants, wondering wildlife news, and blatant rip-offs of the Onion.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
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So Basketball season is just around the corner and I have to admit I haven't had a pro team to root for in quite a while. Upon losing my faith in the sport when I was a youngster I haven't really paid attention until last year's playoffs. Now, in order for me to pick a team and follow them until crushing defeat or playoff glory I am calling on you, faithful readers, to tell me to root for your team.
After the jump, a few things about myself.
Over the last few years my love for professional sports has become more intense than it ever was possibly due to the coming to terms that I am incredibly out of shape and will never, in any way, shape or form, be allowed to play on a sports team ever.
I live in the Los Angeles area, but am not totally opposed to rooting for an out of market team. I grew up a Yankee fan (dad is from NY), but in recent years all the heckling and being spit on by Boston douchebags has caused me to realize that I'll take my pain and suffering to Dodger Stadium (not to mention I live right down the street). As far as football goes, we have no team in the area, but I grew up a Bills fan (curses to my father who traded over to the Browns, wtf?). The Bills, obviously, is another team I cry about and pretend there's something in my eye just about every week. I don't have a hockey team. I don't want a hockey team.
Don't send me stuff about your favorite hockey team. Even if they are local, I can't watch them. Get your shit together NHL.
So get to it folks, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and find me a home. The months of February and March are ever so lonely without some team to root for in the NBA.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
It's been what? 6 years now? I think it's time for us to laugh about a plane crashing into the side of a building killing a massive amount of people...well, at least my mother thinks it's time.
I'm at home over the weekend for a nice relaxing weekend and decide to turn on some of the quality programming over at the Discovery Channel. They have a disaster weekend planned and I'm into that sort of digital construction of tsunami's decimating different coastal cities all over the world. The one I was watching? New York of course.
So my mom comes in to get some quality time with her son and begins watching the program along with me. They show a woman sitting on a bench paying no attention to a giant fucking wave to end all waves coming in from the ocean. I mean this girl is sitting there listening to her AM/FM radio tape player combo she got from Radio Shack because she hasn't had a date in years, hence why she's sitting at a Manhattan ocean front all alone waiting for certain doom.
I make some comment about her blatant disregard for her own life, but my mother's retort is what sent me reeling. "Well, you'd think the people in New York City would be more concerned about airplanes running into their buildings than a big wave."
Wow. I'm reporting this to you because, ladies and gentlemen, 9/11 is officially funny on the west coast. A conservative 54-year-old woman has decided it for us.
We will never forget. And that's a good thing considering the comedic potential that awaits us.