Monday, March 19, 2007

French Airplane Manufacturer Unveils Latest Weapon To Al-Qaeda

Airbus’ newest airplane the A380 landed in NY this afternoon after making its first trans-Atlantic flight. The flight was made to illustrate the plane’s sheer magnificence and to woo a world audience of potential terrorist highjackers. Lufthansa's vice president for the Americas, Jens Bischoff dubbed the new craft “die Wonderbombeflug” (wonderful flying bomb), and contended, “a plane of such immense size can do nothing short of revolutionize the terrorist industry as we know it.”

Commenting from a special tent erected for visiting Al-Qaeda dignitaries on the JFK airport tarmac, Abu Mohammed al-Masri said, “81,890 gallons of jet fuel coming at you at 560 mph! Now that my friend will melt some steel girders.”

Al-Masri’s sentiments were shared by the other high profile Jihadists in attendance on Monday. Saif al-Adel was heard to remark, “I may be getting ahead of myself, but imagine if we were able to hijack one of these and hold on to it for a while. We could paint on the belly of the plane in big block letters, ‘Death to America!’ and the infidels on the street would be able to read our message before meeting their end. I know it sounds crazy, but I am just so excited!”

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was not in attendance but did release a statement from parts unknown: “A plane of this size gives us more devastation power than I could have ever dreamed of when I was planning the September 11th attacks just a few years ago. Not only will a bigger plane cause more destruction upon impact, but the added passenger capacity of the planes only heightens the level of carnage we are able to inflict.”

In a recent release to shareholders, Airbus shed some light on its reasoning for taking on an investment as large as the A380:

“With the Taliban in resurgence in Afghanistan, an unwinnable war in Iraq, and the ongoing polarization of the Muslim world against the west; it is clear to us that the terrorist industry is poised for dramatic growth. As the size and influence of terrorist groups such as Al-Qaeda and others grows, so will their need for bigger and more devastating planes in which to unleash the wrath of their holy war. We believe the A380 will fill this need.”


Nacho Friendly said...

Terrorist have more TUP than Greg Oden.

(That's the American TUP, meaning "Tremendous Upside Potential". Not the British "tup", meaning to eff an ewe.)

Hats Bagelman said...

Cheers to you Fatty for writing the most offensive post we have yet to publish. 3 Cheers indeed!

Fatty Arbuckle said...

I don't know Hats, that picture of the "Smokin' Hot Friend" in Nacho's last post was pretty offensive. I know he is trying to get a date but come on.

Mr. Feelings said...

I second Fatty regarding the "smoking hot chick" and applaud his courage with this post. Keep doing God's work.

Nacho Friendly said...

by the by, we're getting a whole heckuva lot of traffic from Europe today. Hats & I really hope a valid news source picks this post up and runs with it.

As a service to all, I will refrain from maniuplating the interwebs for my own personal gain.