Colin Cowherd F*cks Horses

By now, we've all heard about ShrutebagGate, and we've all had our jollies. Namecalling is enjoyable, and pointing out The World Wide Leader's woeful mishandling of the situation is valid beyond all repute, but that's not what this post is about.

This post is about how my mind's logic led me to the conclusion that Shrutebag is just like fucking horses.

Lemme explain, after the jump.

Funny story, if you Google image search his name, on the first page is this:



Which is ironic, because of the whole horse fucking thing. See when I first heard that the whole thing I was just as disgusted as the next guy. To use the public airwaves in such a manner was deplorable and immature. I was heartened when the ESPN Ombudswoman agreed with me. Then I took a closer look at what she was really saying. What she was saying was that Shrutebag didn't break any rules because ESPN "had not formulated a policy about such attacks on Internet sites until now because [they] had never imagined the possibility of them."

A lightbulb went off, I knew I'd heard this somewhere.

Naturally, my mind immediately went to beasitality. More specifically, the film "Zoo" about a guy who was killed when he let a horse fuck him and it ruptured his colon and he died from it. The most interesting part about that gruesome tale was that, at the time, the state of Washington didn't have any law forbidding the sexual congress. Totally legit lovin.

Since then, things have changed. You see what Washington state did there? The same thing ESPN did: they both put policies into place forbidding a certain crime after crimes were already committed. Really, the only difference I see is that, as of this publishing, Shrutebag's colon's still in tact.

And now, for the nightmare fuel: