Back Row Review Show: THE HILLS

Bling is back BOY!.

I know some of you have been wondering where I’ve been. But of instead of e-mailing me, why don’t you e-mail the editor of this blog and ask him when he’s going to start paying people in DOLLARS instead kind words and ho-hos.

“Nice work” may cut it France or even in Africa, but here in Los Angeles (Redlands), “good job” and “keep it coming” aren’t enough to satisfy a beast of a woman who has somehow made it her life’s mission to take not only everything in my bank account and my kitchen, but my soul and all my Family Guy T-shirts I got when I robbed that AAAAH’s at Universal Citywalk two summers ago.

But like Ernest Hemmingway once wrote: “You can’t stop the beat bitch.” So since I’m a writer, I’ve decided to write anyway. And what a summer it’s been!

Last Monday, like the rest of America, I tuned into to MTV to watch the first two episodes of THE HILLS. Spencer, you are the man playboy! Dating hot blond girls, blinging out your apian excuse for teeth and rolling around with your boys in a range rover in the mean streets of Beverly Hills, man, what a life! Next time you have a party at Les Deux, what don’t you call swing by Bling’s stop and let me ride? I’d be the best character ever that show has ever seen! But I’m telling you now, don’t look at Bling when all the girls on the show start getting pregnant.

How can we make this happen! Easy! I urge my readers and the youth of America to start a letter writing campaign to knuckleheads at MTV and make me a character on the Hills. I can move in with Spencer or Brody when my anklet is taken off. Or, I noticed that my darling Whitney has broken up with her boyfriend. Who’s a better love interest than your boy Bling!

I’m telling you MTV: Bling. The Hills. Whitney. My fist. Spencer’s big ass jaw. It’s a match made in heaven. But again, when Whitney gets pregnant….don’t look my way. It’s love baby.