Monday, August 27, 2007

How much to make a Japanese kid cry?

Hey dickfeet, it's everyone's favorite jerk back from his contract hold out. My new deal, while not 100% of what I demanded, does require that Bagelman fetch my slippers and play dead on command. I think I'm pretty much satisfied.

But enough about my lucrative wheelings and dealings, some of which may or may not have caused the sub prime mortgage crash, find out what the Japanese have been up to after the jump...

Now most of you don't know this, but one of my several illegitimate bastard children is a fan of sea life, and one time he conned me into some hippy bullshit where we get on some converted fishing trawler and go looking for the sea faring unemployed known as whales. That kids' mother is a worthless whore and it looks like the apple doesn't fall from the vagina that crapped him out. I wound up spending 8 hours on a floating bath tub that smelled like a sailor fresh out of Bangkok.

The Japanese have a better solution.

No better way to teach your kids about the birds and the bees than by tricking them into a peaceful whale watching tour which is actually a seminar on how to use technology to snare and slaughter slower, more docile creatures which lack opposable thumbs with the intent of throwing most of it away or making new and better dick pills out of ground up whale dong.

I told the little bastard we could go on another whale watching trip when we visit Yokohama. Daddy needs a new pack of dick pills.


Hats Bagelman said...

"Daddy needs a new pack of dick pills."

No truer words have ever been spoken on this blog.

Micki said...

It's that whale's own fault for getting caught. I mean, if he had started performing amazing tricks to divert the whalers' attention until the sight-seeing boats arrived, that whale would have turned tragedy into a lucrative career.

Jerk Stupidneck said...

I feel the same way. If the whales weren't the homeless of the sea they might be better at surviving a harpooning attempt.

Actually I guess they could be the homeless of the sea, but less of the pathetic wine-o variety and more of the wesley willis variety

Fatty Arbuckle said...

Does Sparkenickle really love Japanese Dick Pills?

Anonymous said...

I have never seen a dick pill. I only love this country and our president who is fighting the fithy terrorist scum like Mr. Limpet.

S. Sparkenickle
West Bumpgarten, USA#1