As we dust off the cobwebs that have been collecting here at "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" I figure it's time we go to the old mail sack and answer some of the questions that you the reader have approached us with. Think of this a mea culpa for the months we left you hanging over the status of my job problems or the fate of Nacho Friendly during his sex filled romp through Costa Rica. Anyway follow me after the jump for your words.
Okay this first letter comes to us from reader Clyde Fox and he asks:
"Are you about to give up the fight for your bigger orgasm and greater ejaculation? STOP, there's a solution now!!! Achieve the feeling of complete ecstasy while having ball blowing orgasms."
Eww. I don't think I know who you are Clyde but that's really gross. A ball blowing orgasm? Jesus I'll just take my run of the mill ball tickling orgasms thank you very much.
Well, I'm glad we're done with that unplesantenss let's move on to the next letter. Okay this one comes from a reader named ROFECO Procuradoría Federal del Consumidor and he writes:
"Estimado ciudadano le informamos que el Tecnologico de Monterrey y PROFECO tienen como proyecto informale a los ciudadanos de Mexico un servicio que le da a conocer que Gasolineras de nuestro pais son irregulares por lo tanto seria aconsejable que usted tome medidas de su provedor de gsolina mas cercano o tenga en otras opciones algunas que si se ajusten a su precio y cantidad por litro."
Huh? I can see a Mexico in there but the rest of this is just gibberish. Mr. ROFECO Procuradoría Federal del Consumidor if you chose to write back to us would you mind PROOF READING. It's really annoying to read something on the internet and having to guess at what the writer is trying to say. We here at "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" just won't stand for that.
Okay and now on to the last letter. This one comes from a reader named Irish National Lottery and she writes:
This mail is to bring to your notice that your email emerged as one of
our winning email address in our just concluded Irish Lottery Board
sweepstakes programme that made you automatically a winner of the sum
Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European
booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your coupon.
In view of this, your £750,000.00(GBP) will be released to you by
any of our payment offices in Europe.
Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate
the release of your funds as soon as you contact him or her.For
security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information
confidential till your claim is processed and your money remitted to
you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.
This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and
unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned!!!
To file for your claim, please contact our Claims Agent and fill the
payment processing form and send it to our claims agent immediately.
Name Of Claims Agent: Mr. Ricky Williams
Email address :email@example.com
PAYMENT PROCESSING FORM
9.BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF COMPANY/INDIVIDUAL___________
Holy Shit! We just won the lottery!!! I'll just send this lovely person all my personal information and wait for the money to come pouring in! I'll see you all in hell! HAHAHAHHA
Anyway that's it for today if you guys have anything to say to us simply write us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Bye