Friday, August 31, 2007

Remembering an icon

Princess Diana. Where would this world be were it not touched by your Princess of Wales rich girl hands? If not for you, some other British broad would have had to marry that snaggle toothed inbred English hillbilly and then divorce him and then die in a high speed chase by those evil paparazzi.

All you weasel-dicked shit-for-brains that see some bullshit story like this and take the time to read it should be cleansed from the population. Princess Dianna (Di, Dee Dee... whatever you idiots like to call her so you can pop some oxycontin and pretend you live in Buckingham Palace hobnobbing with royalty instead of in your shitcan house/trailer with a herd of children running around just waiting for their first trip to a county institution) put a hose up her ass and cleansed her bowels just the same as you or I. More sense smacked into you idiots after the jump (that means click the pretty blue link you fucking trash)


24 hour news channels. How awesome are they? Shut the fuck up, I'll get back to that royal corpse in a minute, I'm trying to make a point you mouth breathing mongoloid.

Where was I...
Ah yes. 24 hour news.

CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and even 24 hour sports like ESPN are the reason some chick who married a rich guy is still a story 10 years after her death. Now if I'm going to prison, I would rather it be a Teen Sex Prison as opposed to any other type of prison, but other than informing me of such an opportunity CNN is mostly a waste of time.

"Stupidneck," you ask, "What does this have to do with my lord and saviour Princess Diana? I am but a humble dick-for-brains who also has the ability to vote for policies I can't comprehend."

Well I'm not going to argue with you on that last point, but the point is that the need to fill ANYTHING with 24 hours of entertainment/news/programming results in the following:


1)Repeating the same fucking thing over and over again (HOW MANY TIMES MUST I READ THAT MICHAEL VICK RAPED A DOG AND THEN FED IT TO A BABY BEFORE HE ATE THE BABY?)

2)Conjuring up news when there is no news ("What item found in most households could give you syphilis? The startling truth from a suspect study that one of our interns found on WikiPedia coming up after these messages!")

3)Rehashing bullshit stories like Princess Diana so that Elton John can hear his worthless music being played somewhere relevant again.

Play me a song you're the sellout-man


Seriously... a song iconifying a vapid actress who sucked her way to a career (and a president's pants) and then died, had a few words changed and then was rereleased to line the wallet of some washed up piano player who thinks he can still rock. Note to Elton: Go away you fat queen. Your music blew, blows and will continue to blow in ages to come and I could care less about your catty comments on society because you don't even know what life is like without a Scrooge McDuck style moneybin. Fuck you and the shitty single you rode in on.

So that begs the question "What is the rationale for taking up so many broadcast minutes with this story if it's so worthless, Mr. Neck?" Ah! Well you see this lady had so much scratch from marrying a fucking prince, that she was able to do nothing most days, but then on occasion, she could travel to a different nation, tell them land mines were bad and then return to the French Riviera where she got double teamed for up to 10 hours at a time by some smelly French guys to the tune of "Always Something There to Remind Me".

Seriously... That's her contribution? She set up some charities and "raised awareness" that land mines near children were a problem? What the fuck is wrong with you people. What a divisive issue she set her sights on! I used to think land mines were A-OK and I actually had a few around my property and in the playground down the street, but now some privileged bird has shown me the light! No more land mine cereal parties for the neighborhood kids. It's simply too dangerous.

William and Harry, enjoy remembering your mother's death. I'm sure it's great to have it brought up every year. But when all looks dark, and you feel naked and alone, just put on your Naked Eyes LP, like I do, and crank "Always Something There to Remind me" and you will never forget your dearly departed mother.

3 comments:

Hats Bagelman said...

I miss her more every year

Mr. Feelings said...

Jerk Stupid Neck, have you no heart? She was the people's princess.

Jerk Stupidneck said...

The people don't need a princess, they need to be sterilized