Wednesday, February 28, 2007

PETA Rains On Kansas State's Parade

Remember back in the day when you were in school and it was getting on towards the end of the day, and the teacher had said all he or she was gonna say for the day, and you start to hear everyone start to pack up their shit, and then the teacher asks, "Are there any more questions?" and you realize that you'll be getting out ever-so-slightly earlier than usual, until that one prick in the back shoots their hand up like they were German or something?

Man, I hated that prick.

Well, in life that prick is represented by PETA. And now PETA has up and shat on the devoted, loving fan base of the Kansas State Wildcats (which, honestly, their logo is nothing more than a gayer, reversed Thundercats emblem).

Y'see time was, you went to a Kansas State Wildcats basketball game, and you tossed a chicken on the court. The you tied an onion to your belt, which was the style at the time...

The letter described chickens as "very intelligent and inquisitive animals" that appeared to have been subjected to "deafening noise, bright lights, terror, abusive handling and likely death for the sake of amusement."

The practice also, apparently, "severely tarnish[ed] the image of our University." As opposed to say, these guys.

After the jump, some classic mascot tomfoolery and other wacky antics that may or may not have been banned, as brought to you by the badasses who write this here blog.

Nacho Friendly: I miss a good mascot fight, don't you?

Jerk Stupidneck: When my parents were in the Roller Derby, they saw their fair share of odd fan behavior. My favorite such story was how one time a plastic bag was hurled at one of the referees. When the ref went to examine the contents, he found that he was holding a bag of fresh diarrhea. Why was it thrown you ask? Who knows really, they threw all sorts of stuff. One time my dad made fun of a guy with no arms in the audience so maybe they were mad about that. Maybe he supplied the diarrhea and his friend or fellow fan provided the arms with which to throw it (that's friendship - nay, FANship if you ask me). Whatever the case, excrement tossing is just one of many testaments to the proud legacy of the Roller Derby Fan.

Don't know what the Roller Derby is? Or do you think it's that thing that those sluts in Texas do while spanking each other? Well, dumb ass, let me throw some enlightenment your way (just ignore the nasal dronings of the Sklar brothers in this clip)

Hats Bagelman: I'm from Orange County, CA where our biggest sports tradition is co-opting crappy Disney movies and turning them into crappy sports franchises. But there is one thing that we Southern Californians know how to do and that's murder fans of the San Francisco Giants.

Now I'm not promoting this or making light. I'm just saying that the tradition is some poor Giants fan goes to Dodger stadium and ends up getting shot in the parking lot. It happens every year like the swallows flying to capistrano. Actually this isn't even exclusive to the Dodgers, when the Angels won the World Series five years ago some poor Giants fan was stabbed and bled to death near the ball park.


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