Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The Silent Killer

If you saw the title of this post and began reading this thinking "Ah... Hypertension", then you are a god damn moron. Secondarily if you're scratching your head and wondering what "Hypertension" is, well first off it's high blood pressure and secondly I'm coming to kill you so that I might right the gene pool which you are so clearly polluting.

No, you simpleton, Hypertension is the old silent killer, this one is far more nefarious. Technically, your Uncle Bernie, serving 25-life up in Chino, is still The Silent Killer, but this story isn't called "The man responsible for your intimacy issues" so shut the hell up.

Pakistani kites. They're killing children left and right and no one is stepping forward. Where's Princess Diana with her land mines while there are kids getting their throats cut by killer kites?

Sometimes they use string coated in pulverized glass to cut an opponent's kite; other times metal wire - which is often coated in corrosive chemicals, our correspondent says.

This technology of corrosive kites was accidentally discovered by a Texas farmer trying to make a name for himself by manufacturing the worlds largest cheese slicer. 30 years later we have Pakistanis attacking children with kites.

"Come here child!" they say. "Isn't this a fine kite?" they ask. Before they know it, the kid's hanging 75 feet in the air in what Interpol is calling a Pakistani Necktie.

Be careful when searching for "deadly kite" on Google image search

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not to be a Debbie Downer but the real silent killer is 'Ignorance.' I know knowledgeable people, and you sir, are No knowledgeable person. Ignoramus.