Mr. Feelings understands that we are sexual beings by nature. That is why Suze Orman disgusts me. This headline says it all:
Suze Orman Reveals She is the '55-year-old Virgin'
A closer read of the story reveals Suze's life partner of seven years is some guy called Kathy Travis (funny name for a man, I know). I have some unsolicited advice for Ms. Orman in the form of an open letter.
Dear Ms. Orman,
While perusing the internet today, I stumbled upon a shocking revelation. I think you know which one. No, not your stock advice on Ford Motor Co. It's about your "V" card, silly.
It's alway been Mr. Feeling's philosophy that a sound body leads to a sound mind. And sound bodies need love. The sexy kind of love. Travis obviously has no idea what to do with a hot little number like yourself. Perhaps it's time you broadened your horizons to include, I don't know, me.
I'm tender, passionate and very experienced. Your wealth doesn't intimidate me. It's actually a turn on, just like your close cropped hair. By the way, I like that style, but it kind of does send the wrong message. I mean, it's a little... masculine.
Anyway, the offer is out there, Suze. You've got a lot on your mind, let me take care of your body.
Oh, and yes, my blood work came back clean.
For our friends in Germany, JACK BAUER!