Friday, February 23, 2007

She's Gotta Have It


Mr. Feelings understands that we are sexual beings by nature. That is why Suze Orman disgusts me. This headline says it all:

Suze Orman Reveals She is the '55-year-old Virgin'

Sacré bleu!

A closer read of the story reveals Suze's life partner of seven years is some guy called Kathy Travis (funny name for a man, I know). I have some unsolicited advice for Ms. Orman in the form of an open letter.

Dear Ms. Orman,
While perusing the internet today, I stumbled upon a shocking revelation. I think you know which one. No, not your stock advice on Ford Motor Co. It's about your "V" card, silly.

It's alway been Mr. Feeling's philosophy that a sound body leads to a sound mind. And sound bodies need love. The sexy kind of love. Travis obviously has no idea what to do with a hot little number like yourself. Perhaps it's time you broadened your horizons to include, I don't know, me.

I'm tender, passionate and very experienced. Your wealth doesn't intimidate me. It's actually a turn on, just like your close cropped hair. By the way, I like that style, but it kind of does send the wrong message. I mean, it's a little... masculine.

Anyway, the offer is out there, Suze. You've got a lot on your mind, let me take care of your body.

Sincerely,
Mr. Feelings
P.S.
Oh, and yes, my blood work came back clean.


P.P.S.
For our friends in Germany, JACK BAUER!

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