Wednesday, February 28, 2007

When Heroin Doesn't Work Out as Your New Weight Loss Program

Recently we have seen a real rise in the laziest ways to get fit. From fad diets to that guy that lost 25lbs. playing his Nintendo Wii, we have seen a serious decline in traditional exercise. Science has rendered us great technology that will allow us to do as little work as possible to attain those tasty abs we've all been wanting to show off at our P. Diddy all white Miami beach party that we were once too embarrassed to go to.

I still say the best cheap weight loss method to date that really hasn't caught on much as a fad in the mainstream's eye is good ol' fashioned heroin, but what the hell. I guess I'll fill you in on all these other amazing products to lessen the fat with the least amount of work possible.

Get fit, sort of, with the Moustache after the jump...

Most of these items can probably be found in the Sharper Image catalogue where you can get that handy cd player that plays cds vertically! (Seriously, horizontal cd players are so yesterday.)

1.
The good ol' fashioned diet pill:

Ah, yes. Speed and if it's not speed, then what's the point? I guess it's gotta work because Anna Nicole Smith supported it and if you're not convinced because of her endorsement then I'm sure
the new Bro Doctor could convince you.



2.
Shock Therapy:

I know what the guy that came up with this was thinking while working in the mental ward: "Hmm. You know what? All my shock therapy patients are incredibly skinny. Maybe there's a connection." BAM! Millionaire. That's right. Like the ad says, you can do it at work, at home, while eating that deep fried chicken stuffed crust pizza dipped in ranch dressing. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Do nothing and get rock hard tasty abs you've been dreaming of. Hey, if it gets out of control you could always do this.


3.
The iJoyRide:
Ok, not only is this device grasping on the i(fill in the blank) fad, but also reaching out to those that so desperately want to be involved in the equestrian scene. That's right, all you have to do is sit! Wow. There went that pizza you ate yesterday and you're also working on your coordination. I mean you can't really buy this much happiness for $500 anywhere else.

(Note: play the video to the right to get the full vision of happiness you can experience)
.

311 comments:

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Nacho Friendly said...

I'm pretty sure Robespierre at the highway rest stop had one of those iFill. Except the fill part was more concerned with my ass than my physical fitness, but really, aren't those two closely tied?

Might I also add, whenever discussing the slimming effects of heroin, we mention the patron saint? I, for one, am VERY happy we don't have to deal with a 40 (!!) year old Kurt today.

Fatty Arbuckle said...

That I-joyride is amazing! I am ordering 3, one for work, one for home, and one to replace the driver's seat in my automobile!!!

Jerk Stupidneck said...

Personally I choose to lose weight the old fashioned way - by beating my wife

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