Thursday, March 15, 2007

How to spot an asshole

If you are a frequent reader of this page then you will know that we here writers live in LA. LA for the most part is a great city with beautiful women, perfect weather, and restuarants that feature food from all over the world. Of course there is one major drawback, the rather large asshole population.

Generally an asshole is really easy to spot but sometimes especially here in LA they can mask themselves within the general population. There is however one dead giveaway and that is a fondness for S. Pellegrino Sparkling Water.

Follow me after the jump for a brief history of Pellegrino's links with assholes.

Pellegrino was invented in Italy by Benito Mussolini in 1927 at a facist party mixer. Mussolini loved this drink so much that he even credited his sparkling water for leading his black shirts in victory over all of his polictical enemies.

When Mussolini was ultimately hung by his own people, Pellegrino production was temporarily banned. That was until actor and notorious asshole Charlie Chaplin was touring Italy as part of a USO tour when he uncovered some crates of the asshole juice.

Chaplin made millions bootlegging the bubbly water throughout Hollywood getting every major Hollywood asshole hooked. Large scale production of Pellegrino started up again in 1951.

Today notable Pellegrino drinkers/assholes include Bill O'Riely, Deleware Senator Joseph Biden, Comedian Bill Maher, Rosie O'Donell, Incredible Mr. Limpet Contributor Fatty Arbuckle, and this guy.

So as you walk the streets of your home town beware of the green bottle because it surely is being held by an asshole.


Fatty Arbuckle said...

I really do love that water. I don't think you are giving it a fair shake. And soggy fries are inedible, everyone knows that.

Hats Bagelman said...

Of course you would say that. You're an asshole.

Nacho Friendly said...

See, this is why I only drink the blood of infants. Then no one thinks I'm a dick.

vegas said...

LA is so full of assholes that you could bring coal here and convert it into diamonds. I think the city just appeals to assholes ( hollywood etc...