Monday, March 19, 2007

Back Row Review Show: Stay at Home Edition!!!!

Bling Crosby Jr. is at it again! That's right folks he's found some time in his busy schedule huffing paint to do another review for us.

So please follow us after the jump for Bling's review of Winter Passing.

Hello Friends! 

After a couple of days off, (rehab followed by a quick two-night stay at my local prison), I'm back and ready to shoot from the hip about the new movies hitting theatres! 

Except this time, I decided to write about what I've been watching from my Netflix account. I know what you're saying, "hey buddy, I thought you went to the movies to review them....working from home, that's bullshit."

Well, it's not bullshit. It's called House Arrest, and even under house arrest, a man's gotta pay his bills. He's gotta pay his telephone bills. And he's gotta pay his automobiles too, even though there's this orange type thing on the tire that won't let him drive to the movies. And if it’s not enough, a repo man has been driving by my car at night. And I’m not talking about Martin Sheen; I’m talking the real repo man. None of that Two and a Half men Bullshit; this is life baby! Shit is real in the field.

So, I lit some candles, got comfy, put the wife and the kids and their kids and a few of their kids to bed, and threw in tonight's movie: Winter Passing. 

I know you think Winter Passing is a little too small for a plebian like me, to which I reply Bitch Please. I went to (community) college.....I have a large appreciation for the arts and other artsy things. Although I hadn't heard of this movie, one of my Netflix friends gave it a five star rating! His name is Brooklynkid85, he lives in Brooklyn and claims Brooklyn for life. (He says it's better than where he grew up in Rhode Island). Although last time my Brooklyn friend suggested the movie it was thing called ALI; FEAR BITES THE SOUL. I was like "sweeeeeeet....A new sequel to Ali!" But guess what, there was no Will Smith and there wasn't even English. 

So, on to the movie. This is the funniest film I've seen all year! Director Adam Rapp must have been as fed up with that indie bullshit as I was, so he made like a SCARY MOVIE type spoof of Art Films.

Does it work? 


Here's what happens in the first 20 minutes. 

Our hero, played by ELF's Zooey Deschanel, gets all sad after she doesn't get an audition. 

-She does coke. 

-She has three one-night stands and kicks them out. 

-She does more coke and more sex.

-She tends Bar (because she's a people's person)

-She Slams her hand in a drawer because it's the only way she can feel. 

-Her cat gets sick, so she put him/her in a bag and dumps said bag into the river. 

Pretty funny, right? 

So I rated it five stars and told my friend from Brooklyn how funny it was. But here's where the story gets weird.....he tried to tell me it's not a comedy.

Kill that noise! This shit's funny! 

Here's what he wrote me. 

"You uncivilized animal. How could you think this brutally honest and emotional portrait of apathy in both the zoo that is the post-modern American city and the hell that is the modern arts communities could ever be conceived as a comedy? This is what happens to people who live in the shadow of famous people, pain and other stuff." 

What! How can this be true! Do all tortured rich girls have one night stands and put their hand in drawers! My wife doesn't do that shit, and she's effing tortured. She may cry herself to sleep in her pillow and the curse the day I was born, but she'll get over it. (I stopped paying attention to her a looong time ago...)

As should my Brooklyn friend. Lighten up buddy, this movie is funny.


Nacho Friendly said...

Yes, but was it funnier than "Dancer in the Dark"?

10lb Moustache said...

nothing is funnier/more annoying than dancer in the dark

Hats Bagelman said...

What about Requiem For a Dream. That movie really is annoying/funny.

Micki said...

I nearly stopped watching after she drowned her cat. Seriously? Is it that hard to get it euthanized? Somebody should have walked by, witnessed her felineicide, and dumped her in the river.

plus, thank you guys SO much for hating Dancer in the Dark.