Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Hats Bagelman Will Make You President

Well, since lovely mildly annoying reader Trudy has taken me to task for not posting as much as I used to it's time to bring back everyone's least favorite running feature: Hats Bagelman will make you president. Today's lucky contestant Mitt Romney.

Follow me after the jump for my advice.

Mitt, Mitt, Mitt you seem to have gotten in a little trouble with the Cubans in Miami. You see it's not really a good idea to go around quoting Fidel Castro to a bunch of people who risked their lives in homemade boats to get away from the man. It's just not smart politics.

So now you think you're in a bind. You know Cubans are a huge part of the Republican base and you're trying to think of a way to get out of this. Well you're lucky cause I think I have the answer to your problem. You should go out and insult every other minority group out there. You see Cubans aren't a forgetful people but if you prove to be a racist idiot they will forgive you.

So next time you speak to the NAACP why not mention that without slavery there wouldn't be so many good athletes. Or if you find yourself speaking to Asian voters be sure to say "Five dollar sucky sucky" then commend them all for being very good at math. You get the idea.

I know this may seem drastic but never forget the importance of the Cuban vote. The last time somone took them for granted it didn't end well.

1 comment:

Nacho Friendly said...

Hats could've really helped out the West Wing after Sorkin left, as the plucky, moxie-filled scenester with all the right moves.