Sunday, March 18, 2007

Maybe The Greatest MySpace Comment. Ever.

A long time ago, in Charlotte, North Carolina, at the PF Chang's in Phillip's Place, I received a fortune inside my cookie that read: Maybe in the next century, you'll live on the moon. First off, you never want to see the word maybe appear anywhere in your fortune. When the fates aren't certain of themselves, what hope do you have? Second, that's just a terrible fucking fortune.

That little rant there has nothing to do with the rest of this post, other than I used the word maybe in the title and I feel that's a suspect word, man. Suspect.

Here's the deal; I'll make it short and sweet. A good friend of mine, lets call her Kari, just flew in for a visit, despite the fact that her brother went out of town. Kari...and her smokin'-hot friend (pictured below).

Smokin'-Hot Friend

These ladies spent Maewyn's Day* at the bar with a gaggle of handsome devils. Yesternight, I left Kari a comment on MySpace, and this evening that comment was superceded by, what I think just may be, The Greatest MySpace Comment. Ever.

See said quote, after the jump.

Oh, and if you're thinking of NOT looking at the quote, I suggest you take a gander below at the Tags used for this post. You smexy reader, you.

Behold:
"All the girls out there are totally lying when they tell you that size does not matter. Want proof?

I am telling you this because it is the honest truth, look I should know, they say that it is all in the way you use it, not how big it is, well I got news for you all, that is pure lies. I know from personal experience, I will tell you about a secret that Robespierre
[Ed.'s note: name changed to protect some guy named Joey] has made me promise to never ever tell anyone, but since he has not called me in three weeks after standing me up, [Ed's note: totally valid] I am going to break the promise and tell you how he went from having a tiny wang and in 4 months he is now about nine inches and get this, it is still getting bigger. He has been secretly taking grow pills from this site: KAKIM.COM

I found out when I was at his house, three Fridays ago, we were getting ready to go to the mall, so while he was in the shower, I went in his room, sneeked
[sic] under his bed and found a box with pill bottles in it, there was like 9 full bottles and 4 empty ones, all ordered from KAKIM.COM

I was laughing at first but then when he came in the room and caught me looking at them, he freaked out and made me sware
[sic] to not ever tell anyone about them, especially girls from school or work that he has been dating for the past while, now that I think of it, he has been rather busy with all the popular girls around here, when just last year he was the shyest[not sic] when it came to girls.

I just never put two and two together until he explained it all to me, I did see his prick and yes, it is huge, pronostar
[sic, for now°] huge, the thickest and longest one I ever seen... They guarantee that the pills will work on any man, or they give you your money back, living proof that they do work on any guy, seeing is believing. KAKIM.COM
P25884688"
My favorite, proudest part: The SECOND testimonal^ was from a fellow Tarheel! (It should be noted, he was one of the few to actually name a city and state [Raleigh, NC - Thanks, "JC"] rather than opt for the more inconspicuous "USA". That's usin' dem book smarts.)

North Carolina: home of tobacco, barbecue, and grossly-undersized genitalia. It's science.










* Wiki mentions the name Maewyn once. Anti-Pagan bastards.

° We've submitted "pronostar" to the Urban Dictionary.

^ The first testimonial is written by "AngelStar - PornStar". He proclaims that "Men are going to stand up and clap their hands at these penis enlargement capsules." So there's that...Wait..."at" the penis capsules? Do the penis capsules need our applause? Is this like
[terrible pun alert!] Chuck Barris's "The Dong Show"?





Also, did I overuse italics this time out? Well eff you; now you gotta answer to Manutius. Honestly, do you wanna tango with a dude named Manutius? Didn't think so. Punk.



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